As many of you know I have Lupus. It’s an auto immune disease that I am not going to bore you with the details except to say it sucks. You are always tired – and it’s a kind of tired you will NEVER understand. It’s a disease where your own body attacks your body and you are constantly sick. It’s SO much fun!

Lupus flares always happen at the best times – when you are abut to go to dinner, have a great weekend planned with friends, when you are celebrating something. It just comes during the best times of your life as if to say “fuck you – no you are not going to have a life”.

About 50 days ago i suffered from one of these flares. That turned into a doctor appt which turned into blood work which turned into Hi – welcome to the Type 2 Diabetes Club which also turned into oops your liver enzymes are in the hundreds. This was a serious shit snow storm and why I haven’t written in my blog for a while.

Between doctors, lab work, the inability to get out of bed, medication, side effect of medications, a liver biopsy and numerous other things too boring and gory to mention. I had to become a blood finger priker overnight, my husband is now the equivalent of the Dr Quinn Medicine Man – giving me insulin shots twice a day and our super cute country Mason Jars are now full of needles and pin pricker things.

The best part of this utter shit show is I have now been diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes.

Let’s talk this out…take a woman who literally wanted to be buried in bread and donuts and now is living on spinach, salads, sugar free Ketchup, berries, sour apples and sugar free Gummy Bears. **

Let’s digress for a moment about the sugar free gummy bears. So….. thinking I could sneak a little fun into my spinach diet I bought 2 packages of sugar free gummy bears. Not knowing anything about what was in them I ate a whole package in one sitting. Let’s not get crazy now – it was like 20 gummy bears. I did not read the Amazon reviews prior to my chomping session – why would I?

Well there are many reasons I would or should have.

Let’s just say I feel their pain.

Here are some actual reviews…

2.0 out of 5 starsVery crazy experienceFebruary 13, 2019

Verified PurchaseThey taste good but I was explosive for the whole day after eating them. My stomach has never bad such radical noises I actually thought I was sick. Plus gas.

Johanna!!2.0 out of 5 starsbeware of the after effects from eating these. Could …May 2, 2017 beware of the after effects from eating these. Could not leave the house and part from the bathroom for 12 hours!

2.0 out of 5 starsHoly … !August 15, 2018 . This product has the most powerful laxative effect of anything I’ve ever ingested, and I’ve had a colonoscopy exam and prepped for it. Do not eat more than twenty of them per day and don’t eat any after the early afternoon unless you plan to wear a heavy duty diaper in bed (no thanks). And don’t think that for a moment the gas you’re about to pass will be just gas.

You get the idea – it was not a good weekend. Literally “My Shit Show Life”.

Don’t even get me started with the medical system. Between the doctors who run 30 minutes late, the labs who hire techs that couldn’t get juice from an orange let alone blood from my veins. They are using VEIN FINDERS now!!! Like your contractor finds studs in the wall! Are you kidding me?? Isn’t this a nursing class 101 – find the vein, take blood without having to poke someone 6 times and then when you find a vein please don’t celebrate like you won the lottery – I am sitting here in agony with bandaids on each poke you unsuccessfully tried to stab me. I am not in the party mood. Just give me the needle and I am sure I could do a better job.

Then there is the “weight/height thing”. Seriously – do we have to do it every time I go to the doctor – I just saw him last week. And do we still need to use the old fashioned scales with the metal brick that clunks over and over and oh over AGAIN to find out how much you weigh? I am short and fat – is that not enough to put in your chart???

Then there’s the “advice” everyone gives you.

You have a leaky gut – wtf does that even mean? Do I have a knob on my stomach that is leaking?!?
Eat only DARK greens
Don’t eat after this time or before this time
Strawberries are fine…next doctor “no strawberries are not fine”
Walk more – sure try saying that to a woman which arthritis who cannot move at all let alone walk anywhere!?!
Eat protein – if I look at chicken, pork chops, a burger, turkey one more day I will scream
Ease up on the Diet Coke! Are you kidding me? You’ve taken away bagels and donuts – I am not giving up on a ZERO calorie beverage that is the only thing getting me through the day.

Then try finding things in a supermarket that are sugar free! It’s like looking for a needle in a haystack. Want soda – their is an aisle. Want bread…come on down here.

If supermarkets would like a word of advice – start an aisle with gluten, sugar, whatever free in it so I am not running around the market looking for these items passing all the items I CANNOT EAT. Example – why would the sugar free cookies be in the fruit section next to the honey of a local market. Sure cuz that’s where I would look.

These life changes have turned my world upside down. I have lost 10 pounds – which I say not to be excited but it’s because I am eating lettuce and pears.A dead deer would lose weight on this diet.

I am slowly getting used to a new normal. My enzymes are not down but ironically I have been diagnosed with auto immune hepatitis which can lead to sorosis of the liver and I DON”T EVEN DRINK!!!!! Some days I want to say WTF and get a couple of tall boys.

I am living on lettuce, eggs, bacon and my new guilty pleasure Mexican Dynasties on Bravo. If you haven’t watched it – do. You can thank me later.

So that’s why I am have been away for awhile… but Spring is almost here so get ready for posts about Stink bugs, foxes, my sweating in the heat, escaping goat escapades, tick awareness and so many more fun things.

I’ve missed you all. Say hi and subscribe! Otherwise I am really just bitching to myself and I can do that out loud and not taking a Percocet so my fingers will type.

Kisses,
Sam