For the love of God – it’s Friday before Christmas and I am fucking exhausted.
It seems each year from Thanksgiving until I watch a zillion morons in Times Square (ALL who had to go pee LONG before that ball drops but are stuck like cattle being held for slaughter) life moves at some insane pace.
Lines get longer, employees at stores who hated their jobs – REALLY hate their jobs now, people I swore I would NOT send a gift to this year – creep into my subconscious and they get one anyway and then they can’t even go to the fucking post office and pick it up when they get a slip and then I am resentful again.
“The Gift Giving Bullshit Circle of Life” as I like to refer to it as.
Helping the needy can become a test of sanity and patience and I swear if I see the inside of a TJ Maxx again I might shoot myself. I am no longer a Maxxinista – I am Bitchanista!
Let’s not forget that my birthday creep in between those two dates as well. So not only am I crazy but I am now old and crazy. My reading glasses get a little stronger and my brain definitely less smart.
Let’s go through a few shit shows of the past month.
My husband (the love of my life) arranged for this incredible visit to the City for my birthday weekend. We drove in, I got to shop in stores I miss, we ate Bagels from #bageltalk on Amsterdam where ** side note – if you really want to get me a gift…sneak me in after closing and just lock the door. You’ll find me in the AM full of everything bagels, their cream cheese and LOX! If I am dead from over-eating at least I died smiling and happy and I will have you to thank.
We went to shop in the adorable Bryant Park Holiday Market and it was POURING! I mean the heavens opened and decided to cure world drought in the middle of the City. No cabs, No UBERs. Just us, in the rain no umbrella and drowning. Then I saw a Paddy cab – A guy on a bike with covered seating. I don’t care what you call it – it was MOVABLE SHELTER and I hopped my fat little ass inside. My husband the entire time trying to tell me this was “gonna cost a fortune”. We were going 10 blocks to a restaurant for dinner – I mean seriously how bad could it be and honestly I was dry and seated so I really didn’t care. That was until we got to our destination.
Our peppy little driver/biker/about to “rip & rob” me smiles and says “Ok that is $120.00”. WTF?????? We went 10 blocks. He holds up a sign that I swear is as small as my ass crack that says $12.00 per MINUTE!
Now here’s the issue I have. He spent a minute chatting with a fellow “robber” in the bike next to us, he rode at a speed he was “comfortable” with. He waited a little long at that GREEN light. So this “minute” crap is a little off. He could take his sweet jolly time biking like it was the Champs De Elysee in Paris on a spring day and I am paying for it – each second and each minute.
Now before we all get up in arms and start a GO FUND ME to recoup my life savings – let’s remember that I am a resident of this great city. I should have known better. I am not fresh off the tourist boat with salivating locals ready to take my wallet and run. I was the moron but it was a highly ranked shit show.
Moving on…..
Thanksgiving – a time for family and love and food and football. Normally Dre and I are solo for Thanksgiving with our families living far away but this year we were overloaded with LOVE. My mom was here and friends came to visit. ( I swear living in the country people actually come visit) I set a table that I have to say I was really proud of even thought I literally stole it from the pages of #BetterHomesandGardens.
Our first Thanksgiving in our new Goat Hill Manor Home with SO many loved ones to share it with meant a MUCH larger dinner. So…here’s the shit show of this experience.
Thanksgiving involves 10 moving parts – between the turkey, stuffing, potatoes, Brussel sprouts, gravy, veggies, that weird sweet potato marshmallow thing… and so on. Most homes I know of come with one oven and one microwave. Explain to me how I am supposed to serve melted marshmallows hot and steamy while also serving the rest of this dinner at the same temperature. I don’t care how many TODAY show cooking segments I watch – it is just NOT gonna happen. So it’s really classy when after you have everyone serve themselves buffet style – there is now a line for the microwave. Need I say more. SHITSHOW.
As we stroll away from Thanksgiving we find ourselves preparing for Xmas. I am not going to get into the resentments, anger, annoyance I feel during this season because it would not be pretty – so instead I am just going to say…my new years resolution is to be there for those who are less fortunate and to those who love me enough to call/text and see how I am doing more than once a year. I am going to get better at saying no. I am not going to give so freely of what I think is a pretty big heart. I am going to focus on me and my health and life. Nuff Said.
Media Maison got through every holiday segment and is closed today until Jan 2rd because even us fabulous publicists need a break from the bullshit we give and receive.
I have a full weekend left of wrapping for kids who are less fortunate. Every child should have a gift to open on Christmas morning wrapped with their name on it. We have no kids and our dogs can’t tell the difference between wrapping paper and a dog toy. let’s not even get started with the goats…. I could throw a bucket of Animal crackers in the air and they would start to sing “Hark the Herald Angel Sing”.
I leave you with a few random thoughts.
- The New Orleans Saints are going to the Superbowl.
- True friendships are irreplaceable.
- It’s ok to say “humbug” – lock the door and watch Bad Santa or Love Actually.
- Walking in the rain won’t kill you – but paddy cab sticker shock just might!
- Holiday employees need to meditate or look for another line of work.
- Gingham is the new Black.
Merry Christmas and see you in the New Year!!!!!
Oh, Sam, thank you for the laughs, the thought-provoking gems, and the genuine humanity. I am so grateful for you, and hope that 2019 brings you better health, and better everything.